Who Holds the Key to Untangling It?
By Tsai-Jung Hsu
Drifting through this dusty world, we — mere grains in a vast ocean — often assume that life simply has to be lived this way. At the same time there is another group who believe that it doesn't matter what the wider world is like, because a person can always carve out a way through on their own. And of course there are those who swing back and forth between the two, unsettled, adrift. There is also a group who believe that whether the greater existence is heaven and earth, cause and effect, or gods and buddhas, we must submit to it — that once we humbly accept what cannot be changed, we can look elsewhere for room to move and walk out our own path on our own two feet.
The first two kinds of people look different, yet in essence they are alike: both respond the moment something happens, one tending toward the habitual, the other toward resistance. The last kind looks the most unlike the others, yet is still inside a frame — their steps have simply moved away from the frame they can see.
And let's ask this too: in this one life of ours, how many decisions do we actually make ourselves?
Someone active, decisive and full of their own opinions might say: every single one.
Someone physically frail, hesitant in action and forever yielding to others might say: not a single one.
Neither of these two answers is right.
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What is breathing, really?
The nose is only the end of a passage; the real driving force comes from deep in the body. The diaphragm contracts and drops, the chest expands — an in-breath. The diaphragm relaxes and rises, the chest contracts — an out-breath.
Natural breathing has always been active. We are simply rarely aware of it, and even when we are aware, we mostly relate to it through control.
How much does this resemble life itself?
Once people notice that they hold the initiative in their own life, almost all of them turn, unavoidably, toward control.
Criticised by someone, we feel small and powerless; to counterbalance that force, I have to get one more word in. Facing the people around me pushing all the responsibility onto me alone, I have to shed that responsibility first so they have nothing left to say. When the wider world is in chaos, we always fix our attention on finding the crux of the problem, so that the helplessness and resentment inside us have a concrete place to be hurled at, all of it.
It looks like we are actively doing something, but it is only a change of method while we keep circling inside the same loop. In the end so much energy goes into emotion and into taking action, into seeking one moment of satisfaction in the interaction between ourselves and the world outside.
The person or thing we disliked disappears, gets resolved — and we fail to notice that a new one has arrived.
Looking at the world through the lens of problem-solving, you will not find the answer.
Relax, and you finally feel it: the body is already this tired, unable to hold up one more moment of insistence. Breathe, and everything inside and outside blends together, distinctions dissolve. You no longer strain to find a way to discard your emotions; instead you allow the discomfort of this present moment, let the clenched fists loosen, and no longer grit your teeth in a rush to deal with what is outside.
The key to untangling the knot is not in one person's hands; it is in everyone's hands.
Everyone has their own willingness to choose. If you have that willingness, then you also know that they have theirs. And if in this moment they are not yet willing, all we can do is wait.
It looks like indifference, yet it is one of the rarest things in this world — a feeling that can pass through time and space, the most deeply caring of all.
Relax, and breathe.
Everything that can truly be untangled is already here.